i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
