you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i've created a new STD.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
