Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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