i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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