like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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