i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you had me at cake vodka
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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