were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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