Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
