I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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