he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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