i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He passed out mid-signature
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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