im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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