Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
