did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the day after is always just damage control
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
