i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
