he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
