I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
