It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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