my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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