Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
