A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
