Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
