I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
