Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
