VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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