First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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