I accidentally had phone sex last night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
