yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
