I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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