I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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