Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
