Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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