so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
