You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Randomize
