Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
