why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
