i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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