she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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