been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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