Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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