i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I checked into jail on foursquare
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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