I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
