Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
