One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
