Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
