how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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