Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize