Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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