Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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