So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
