Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
