Soap is not a condiment
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
