): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
