Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
