and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
