dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
