there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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