What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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