I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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