when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
