I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Say something about gay babies.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
